Boredum so doing a survey

What was the last thing you made into a heart? Hmm i dunno
Tell us about your latest ex? Amazing. Everything I want and need :(
How tall is the last person you hugged? 5'6" ?
Speaking of hugs, who is the best hugger you know? Justin
What color is your underwear? Blue and White
Do you normally sleep with clothes on? Yep
Think about the last pair of socks you wore. okay what about them?
What are you listening to right now? Stupid commercials on TV
How do you look up new music? Youtube
What is something you wish you had more of? Money not alot just enough to make ends meet?
Last time you had the butterflies, who were you thinking of? Justin :(
Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex? No.
Would you have sex with the last person of the opposite sex you were with? Yes.
Are you gay? No.
Do you have an addiction? What is it? Im a smoker
If your last ex said they were in love with you, what would you say? Thank you god for hearing me this time!
What were you last sad about? I miss him :(
Do you mind when people talk about your sex life? I dont think anyone does
Are you a slut? No.
Let's just say you were a serial killer. Would you get caught? Eventually.
Has anyone ever said they would die for you? Yes
What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Any? haha
Does it annoy you when people type like they're ghetto? Yes
Do you always answer your phone? Not always
Are you mean? I think I can be.
Who were the last four people to send you a message on Facebook? My sister, my friend Randy, Ryan and Jenn
Who of those last four people would you marry, if you had to? Dont think i would marry any
Do you like thunderstorms? Sometimes.
Do you like the rain? Yeah.
When was the last time you were sick? kinda right now.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an E, L, or C? No
What time do you normally go to sleep every day? Depends on the day
Do you like cheese? Yes
Last shirt you wore? Um My "Dont Piss Off The Voices" Shirt
How many times a week do you shower? 6-7
Have you ever cheated on a significant other? Never!
Who do you know that can make you feel better if you're not feeling happy? A few people
Do you have any dishes in your room? Not right now
Are you someone who remembers dates? Normally
What would you do if your ex died? I think i would die, or a huge part of me would anyway
Would you rather get shot or get injected? depends on what the injection does
Do you hate when people call you when you're sleeping? Na it happens to often
What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? I lost him over something so stupid
If your friend did something bad and you didn't know, but it had to do with you, would you expect them to be a man and tell you? Oh yeah

Slump

Wow. So much I want to write about... but cant seem to  put it into words.........

Gonna think about it a lil more... hopefully have something for tomorrow!

bccead6b-18c0-4e5f-bc34-342571091da0

1.03.01

Wow...... :-/

So I was having a pretty good day. Woke up and went to Starbucks, Gordmans, and Wal-mart with my sister. When I got home I hopped online and was just relaxing a lil before work. Then I see something, one of those things that shouldn't bother me, Shouldn't step all over my heart and ruin my whole day, but it did. I don't want to go in to detail about what it was or who it was about because well that is not important. But it feels like a blow to the face to see this. Makes me ask so many questions in my head and worry all at the same time.    I want to be happy, I really really do. Just gotta figure out exactly how to do that. 

 

The things that has made me WHO I am today!

Just a lil post to show all of you the things and people that has made me who I am today!

 My Sister Angie

  My Parents

  My Grandparents

  My Friend Shanna

  My Friend/Roommate Tina

  Ryan

  Justin

 

My BFF Randy

These people are very important to me. And with out them, and so many more things and people. I wouldn't be....

ME!

The path that leads to the rest of my life...

So I'm not really sure where to go with this or ever where to begin. I'm slowly beginning to find that path I have been looking for. I'm not saying I have gotten on it, I'm still lost in the rubbish outside working my way in. I can see it but I cant seem to figure out how to get on it and I can't see where it ends. That right there is what scares the hell out of me. How do I know its the right path? How do I know that this one was made for me and not someone else. Life for me is about fear. Fear of the unknown and fear to make the same mistakes twice. 

 

Nine times out of Ten my life feels like a tornado spinning out of control. I often feel like once the storm is calm that it is over and It's my turn to pick up the pieces and find the courage to put them back together and continue on without looking back at all that me, myself has ruined. Has walked away from. Or the path I finally found that wasn't mine. that didn't work out for my life. And then before i know it the storm comes back and starts the waiting process for that next tornado to come tear everything apart. Again.

I know that every piece goes back together one at a time to form a whole. I know that somewhere is the rest of the little pieces that may have slowly fallen out as time when on and as time goes by I will find them. All of them. Where a few of the bigger pieces are farther away I will get it back. One big piece 5 minutes away and another big piece in England. Another 40 minutes away and etc. But I have realize even though I don't see them I have the pieces in my hand already, I have the whole time. Its just my time to decide what to do with them. And to take better care of who gets the pieces on the next go. 

Though my puzzle I call life is no where near complete I have been realizing I have a done a pretty damn good job of starting it. One day at a time I add another piece to the puzzle and when its time the puzzle will be finished. But not without a lil more heart aches, a few more let downs, alot more laughs, And tons of support. It has taken me 23 Years to realize that maybe life isnt that bad,

I have lost some of the most imporntant things in my life over the last two years and I have learned and grown from them. I have not completely let go but at some point I will be ready to do just that. And With each day I get closer to doing so I will gain so much knowledge, Shed many tears, and laugh as often as possible. I am ready to Live. I am ready to see how the puzzle lookes in the end after each tornado I will get better at putting the puzzle back together and continue to add new pieces. And when its done. REALLY DONE. it will be 

AMAZING!!!!

P.S. 

It has been a very long time since I have sat down and wrote. please forgive me if this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!