So I'm not really sure where to go with this or ever where to begin. I'm slowly beginning to find that path I have been looking for. I'm not saying I have gotten on it, I'm still lost in the rubbish outside working my way in. I can see it but I cant seem to figure out how to get on it and I can't see where it ends. That right there is what scares the hell out of me. How do I know its the right path? How do I know that this one was made for me and not someone else. Life for me is about fear. Fear of the unknown and fear to make the same mistakes twice.
Nine times out of Ten my life feels like a tornado spinning out of control. I often feel like once the storm is calm that it is over and It's my turn to pick up the pieces and find the courage to put them back together and continue on without looking back at all that me, myself has ruined. Has walked away from. Or the path I finally found that wasn't mine. that didn't work out for my life. And then before i know it the storm comes back and starts the waiting process for that next tornado to come tear everything apart. Again.
I know that every piece goes back together one at a time to form a whole. I know that somewhere is the rest of the little pieces that may have slowly fallen out as time when on and as time goes by I will find them. All of them. Where a few of the bigger pieces are farther away I will get it back. One big piece 5 minutes away and another big piece in England. Another 40 minutes away and etc. But I have realize even though I don't see them I have the pieces in my hand already, I have the whole time. Its just my time to decide what to do with them. And to take better care of who gets the pieces on the next go.
Though my puzzle I call life is no where near complete I have been realizing I have a done a pretty damn good job of starting it. One day at a time I add another piece to the puzzle and when its time the puzzle will be finished. But not without a lil more heart aches, a few more let downs, alot more laughs, And tons of support. It has taken me 23 Years to realize that maybe life isnt that bad,
I have lost some of the most imporntant things in my life over the last two years and I have learned and grown from them. I have not completely let go but at some point I will be ready to do just that. And With each day I get closer to doing so I will gain so much knowledge, Shed many tears, and laugh as often as possible. I am ready to Live. I am ready to see how the puzzle lookes in the end after each tornado I will get better at putting the puzzle back together and continue to add new pieces. And when its done. REALLY DONE. it will be
AMAZING!!!!
P.S.
It has been a very long time since I have sat down and wrote. please forgive me if this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!
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