So things seem to be going pretty good in my life for the time being. I dont hold out to much hope that they will stay this way as when I normally do hold the hope, it proves me wrong. I will keep a positive attitude about it. Not look forward and try my damnedest not to look back. I will realize everyday that RIGHT NOW i have a good job, 2 actually, i will soon have money, and i have a car with no car payment. the only thing i don't have right now is someone to love me. but you know, i will find him. in time.
I have been in training at my new job for a week and one day so far. I seem to be liking it :) We took our first of 3 exams the other day and you needed a 80 to pass and I got a 92!!! WAHOOOO! I don't think i have been so nervous in years. i don't think i have studied for a test in YEARS! cant believe i did so well!
Just got done reading the first of the harry potter books. I actually liked it for something I swore I would never read I am wanting to run out and get book 2. But i wont have money until friday. I decided after reading the last of the Nicholas sparks books that are written and all 4 twilight books I would find a new series to read. So i will update when i know more on if i like this whole Harry Potter thing.
Well more another day shall come but right now im gonna get my booty to bed so i can go to work again in the morning! So glad I'm not working a 64 hour week AGAIN this week! whoooo hooooo just 48 :)
Monday, December 6, 2010
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Silver Lining???
I cant believe its already the 24th of November!! This year has been going by way to fast. But hopefully with the good I have coming in my life it will make for a good 2011.
I updated the other day that i got a car! Im very happy with it, has some small issues that i gotta work out and needs wipers and tires but other than that its a good lil car. :)
Now for the rest of things in my life....
I have been workin at Gordmans since July. I love my job there and what I do but at 8.25 and hour i need more than 15 HOURS A WEEK! Impossible right, I hate the stress that comes with money and I was getting very sick of them promising me hours hey werent going to give me. So What did I do you ask? I went and got a better job! Im super excited to start on Monday. I will be getting 40 hours a week and making 10.35 an hour! WHOA! haha I will be working at IBM doing Tech support on Apple Products. Ipods, Ipads, and Iphones! After Jan 1st I will have full Benefits and After 90 days i will go up to 10.60 and hour! I want to keep gordmans for a little while longer but i don't know what they will like me to much when i say "hey i can only work weekends from Now on. haha Oh well not a job worth keeping. If they wont work with me I wont work FOR them. I love the people I work with there and with them only scheduling me two days a week anyway i dont see how they can throw too big of a fit.
So yes I No longer have a 250 dollar car payment anymore and my rent is only 312.50 a month! and with my cell phone and insurance I will be paying about 450 tops a month on bills. SOOOO after bringing home 1400 a month I should be totally good to go on money.
I have needed a silver lining for a long time. The only thing I am missing in my life right now is someone to love. I'm sure that will come but with my past i dont hold out to much hope on it. I have been through a lot when it comes to relationships. The one person i truly saw me spending my life with now lives in England and is marrying someone else. :( The guy before that is marrying the next girl he went out with. Sound familiar?? I'M GOOD LUCK CHUCK! haha... I know its probably stupid to look at it that way but i cant help it. I miss being Happy. I cant remember the last time i was truely happy. With EVERYTHING in my life. Don't get me wrong I am happy for him and wish him the best but wonder alot what would have happened with us had we not went our separate ways when he left. Sigh. who knows really.
Anyway i am going to go start my day but decided it was a good morning to right. Cant/ don't want to do much cause well Its snowing outside and im a weanie when its super cold out. haha Off to work at 3 and then Thanksgiving tomorrow.
Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!
I updated the other day that i got a car! Im very happy with it, has some small issues that i gotta work out and needs wipers and tires but other than that its a good lil car. :)
Now for the rest of things in my life....
I have been workin at Gordmans since July. I love my job there and what I do but at 8.25 and hour i need more than 15 HOURS A WEEK! Impossible right, I hate the stress that comes with money and I was getting very sick of them promising me hours hey werent going to give me. So What did I do you ask? I went and got a better job! Im super excited to start on Monday. I will be getting 40 hours a week and making 10.35 an hour! WHOA! haha I will be working at IBM doing Tech support on Apple Products. Ipods, Ipads, and Iphones! After Jan 1st I will have full Benefits and After 90 days i will go up to 10.60 and hour! I want to keep gordmans for a little while longer but i don't know what they will like me to much when i say "hey i can only work weekends from Now on. haha Oh well not a job worth keeping. If they wont work with me I wont work FOR them. I love the people I work with there and with them only scheduling me two days a week anyway i dont see how they can throw too big of a fit.
So yes I No longer have a 250 dollar car payment anymore and my rent is only 312.50 a month! and with my cell phone and insurance I will be paying about 450 tops a month on bills. SOOOO after bringing home 1400 a month I should be totally good to go on money.
I have needed a silver lining for a long time. The only thing I am missing in my life right now is someone to love. I'm sure that will come but with my past i dont hold out to much hope on it. I have been through a lot when it comes to relationships. The one person i truly saw me spending my life with now lives in England and is marrying someone else. :( The guy before that is marrying the next girl he went out with. Sound familiar?? I'M GOOD LUCK CHUCK! haha... I know its probably stupid to look at it that way but i cant help it. I miss being Happy. I cant remember the last time i was truely happy. With EVERYTHING in my life. Don't get me wrong I am happy for him and wish him the best but wonder alot what would have happened with us had we not went our separate ways when he left. Sigh. who knows really.
Anyway i am going to go start my day but decided it was a good morning to right. Cant/ don't want to do much cause well Its snowing outside and im a weanie when its super cold out. haha Off to work at 3 and then Thanksgiving tomorrow.
Hope you all have a great Thanksgiving!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Wake me up when November Ends...
I am very ready for November to be over. I'm tired and exhausted and it just has not been a good month for me. I can't completely say the WHOLE month has been complete shit but that's only because its not over yet. Sigh....
Some of you seen my post back on the 13th.I had described to you the most horrible week i have had in a long time.
I found out that insurance WAS going to pay off the rest of what i owed on the car (THANK GOD) but i would only have 600 dollars left over to either buy a car out right or put down on another less expensive car. I ended up finding a car i really liked that would have been 1195 after my down payment, I got really excited about it until i found out NO ONE would finance me for it, as if i was asking for a 15,000 dollar loan! NO just 1500!!! SO I went on with the rest of my car search. I looked and looked and looked. and looked. and nothing. I searched everything i could find on Craigslist for what i could afford and yet still Nothing!
So Saturday came around and I had to take my rental car back. Great. I got nothing. Im sitting at home on a saturday night by myself bored. I then entertain myself watchin shows online and catching up with blogs that i have not had time to read when i decide 'Hey im gonna go grab me some smokes and come back home and crawl into bed and watch some friends" I pop on my shows throw on a hoodie and grab me keys. Out the door i go to walk outside and realize I have NO WAY TO GET THERE! I turn around and come back inside and sit down. Then here comes the water works. You see i have had my license for going on 8 years now and never once have i been without a vehicle. When all of this hit me i just lost it. I dont know why it didnt dawn on me before but it slipped passed me. Im just sitting here crying wondering what could happen next.
Well here comes the Silver lining. Yes there is a silver lining sometimes you just have to look for it or be patient and wait for it to appear. Well damn it I got mine,
When my dad was on his way over Today to help me go find a car i was looking online. He got here and still nothing was popping up that was even worth looking at. I decided what the hell and typed exactly what I wanted into the search bar on Craigslist and BAM an add i hadn't seen once popped up from 11 days ago. It was in the add for 1000 and i decided what the hell im gonna call them and see if its still there and if they are willing to work with me whatsoever. I got lucky. When i talked to them they told me that i could come look at it but they weren't sure if they could let it go for 600 because of the fact that it was a pretty good car and worth a lil more than that. So we haggled a lil bit and Thanks oh so much to my dad (helping me out til payday) We settled at 800.
It has a lil bit of paint missing and the bumper and hubcaps don't match but what the heck i got me a car!
I have sooo much more to say but maybe you will all get lucky and I will do me another blog tomorrow
Goodnight
Some of you seen my post back on the 13th.I had described to you the most horrible week i have had in a long time.
I found out that insurance WAS going to pay off the rest of what i owed on the car (THANK GOD) but i would only have 600 dollars left over to either buy a car out right or put down on another less expensive car. I ended up finding a car i really liked that would have been 1195 after my down payment, I got really excited about it until i found out NO ONE would finance me for it, as if i was asking for a 15,000 dollar loan! NO just 1500!!! SO I went on with the rest of my car search. I looked and looked and looked. and looked. and nothing. I searched everything i could find on Craigslist for what i could afford and yet still Nothing!
So Saturday came around and I had to take my rental car back. Great. I got nothing. Im sitting at home on a saturday night by myself bored. I then entertain myself watchin shows online and catching up with blogs that i have not had time to read when i decide 'Hey im gonna go grab me some smokes and come back home and crawl into bed and watch some friends" I pop on my shows throw on a hoodie and grab me keys. Out the door i go to walk outside and realize I have NO WAY TO GET THERE! I turn around and come back inside and sit down. Then here comes the water works. You see i have had my license for going on 8 years now and never once have i been without a vehicle. When all of this hit me i just lost it. I dont know why it didnt dawn on me before but it slipped passed me. Im just sitting here crying wondering what could happen next.
Well here comes the Silver lining. Yes there is a silver lining sometimes you just have to look for it or be patient and wait for it to appear. Well damn it I got mine,
When my dad was on his way over Today to help me go find a car i was looking online. He got here and still nothing was popping up that was even worth looking at. I decided what the hell and typed exactly what I wanted into the search bar on Craigslist and BAM an add i hadn't seen once popped up from 11 days ago. It was in the add for 1000 and i decided what the hell im gonna call them and see if its still there and if they are willing to work with me whatsoever. I got lucky. When i talked to them they told me that i could come look at it but they weren't sure if they could let it go for 600 because of the fact that it was a pretty good car and worth a lil more than that. So we haggled a lil bit and Thanks oh so much to my dad (helping me out til payday) We settled at 800.
It has a lil bit of paint missing and the bumper and hubcaps don't match but what the heck i got me a car!
I have sooo much more to say but maybe you will all get lucky and I will do me another blog tomorrow
Goodnight
Also one last thing before i go! Thank you so much Emily for your prayers that i would find another car. Its because of good people like you in this world that people like me can have a little faith during your bad days! I appreciate you more than you know.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
The start of a Very loooooong week!
Hey guys, I actually got time to sit down at the computer for the first time in what feels like forever!!! Last week was the most terrible week I have had in a long time! I think I wish I could just rewind and start over.
Friday night/Saturday morning I was woken up to the most scary Crash I have ever woken up to in my life. Only to find out that a drunk driver, hit a car on the street, swerved over the curb, through a sign, through a tree. He hit a car in the parking lot, and then took out the whole front in of my roommates car, while pushing her car into mine, he hit mine, and they both slammed mine into another vehicle. Totaling my car.... I dont know what to do, its so sad for me, I loved my car, it was my baby and now i will never be able to drive it again :(
Friday night/Saturday morning I was woken up to the most scary Crash I have ever woken up to in my life. Only to find out that a drunk driver, hit a car on the street, swerved over the curb, through a sign, through a tree. He hit a car in the parking lot, and then took out the whole front in of my roommates car, while pushing her car into mine, he hit mine, and they both slammed mine into another vehicle. Totaling my car.... I dont know what to do, its so sad for me, I loved my car, it was my baby and now i will never be able to drive it again :(
So... Now i am waiting on insurance to do what insurance does and then I dont know where to go from here. I have never been in an accident, let alone delt with all of this that I am dealing with right now.
Then after getting my rental car, and driving that for a couple days, I get pulled over for running a red light! I didnt run a red light! The car behind me ran a red light! And because I am in a nice (rental) car I get the ticket!!! This sucks butt!
(My rental^^^)
THEN ... While I was at work on Thursday night, I was helping Kristen with a shoplifter. Kristen in our Asset Protection person for Gordmans. So when I went to help he with the apprehension we got the stuff back and then the shoplifter decided it would be a good idea to HIT US WITH HER CAR. So the last two days my whole left side of my body hurts!!!
I think tonight is a GREAT night to go have a beer and just chill. doing NOTHING. haha
So there is an update of my week!
Friday, October 29, 2010
Boredum so doing a survey
What was the last thing you made into a heart? Hmm i dunno
Tell us about your latest ex? Amazing. Everything I want and need :(
How tall is the last person you hugged? 5'6" ?
Speaking of hugs, who is the best hugger you know? Justin
What color is your underwear? Blue and White
Do you normally sleep with clothes on? Yep
Think about the last pair of socks you wore. okay what about them?
What are you listening to right now? Stupid commercials on TV
How do you look up new music? Youtube
What is something you wish you had more of? Money not alot just enough to make ends meet?
Last time you had the butterflies, who were you thinking of? Justin :(
Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex? No.
Would you have sex with the last person of the opposite sex you were with? Yes.
Are you gay? No.
Do you have an addiction? What is it? Im a smoker
If your last ex said they were in love with you, what would you say? Thank you god for hearing me this time!
What were you last sad about? I miss him :(
Do you mind when people talk about your sex life? I dont think anyone does
Are you a slut? No.
Let's just say you were a serial killer. Would you get caught? Eventually.
Has anyone ever said they would die for you? Yes
What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Any? haha
Does it annoy you when people type like they're ghetto? Yes
Do you always answer your phone? Not always
Are you mean? I think I can be.
Who were the last four people to send you a message on Facebook? My sister, my friend Randy, Ryan and Jenn
Who of those last four people would you marry, if you had to? Dont think i would marry any
Do you like thunderstorms? Sometimes.
Do you like the rain? Yeah.
When was the last time you were sick? kinda right now.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an E, L, or C? No
What time do you normally go to sleep every day? Depends on the day
Do you like cheese? Yes
Last shirt you wore? Um My "Dont Piss Off The Voices" Shirt
How many times a week do you shower? 6-7
Have you ever cheated on a significant other? Never!
Who do you know that can make you feel better if you're not feeling happy? A few people
Do you have any dishes in your room? Not right now
Are you someone who remembers dates? Normally
What would you do if your ex died? I think i would die, or a huge part of me would anyway
Would you rather get shot or get injected? depends on what the injection does
Do you hate when people call you when you're sleeping? Na it happens to often
What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? I lost him over something so stupid
If your friend did something bad and you didn't know, but it had to do with you, would you expect them to be a man and tell you? Oh yeah
Tell us about your latest ex? Amazing. Everything I want and need :(
How tall is the last person you hugged? 5'6" ?
Speaking of hugs, who is the best hugger you know? Justin
What color is your underwear? Blue and White
Do you normally sleep with clothes on? Yep
Think about the last pair of socks you wore. okay what about them?
What are you listening to right now? Stupid commercials on TV
How do you look up new music? Youtube
What is something you wish you had more of? Money not alot just enough to make ends meet?
Last time you had the butterflies, who were you thinking of? Justin :(
Have you ever made out with a member of the same sex? No.
Would you have sex with the last person of the opposite sex you were with? Yes.
Are you gay? No.
Do you have an addiction? What is it? Im a smoker
If your last ex said they were in love with you, what would you say? Thank you god for hearing me this time!
What were you last sad about? I miss him :(
Do you mind when people talk about your sex life? I dont think anyone does
Are you a slut? No.
Let's just say you were a serial killer. Would you get caught? Eventually.
Has anyone ever said they would die for you? Yes
What is your favorite alcoholic drink? Any? haha
Does it annoy you when people type like they're ghetto? Yes
Do you always answer your phone? Not always
Are you mean? I think I can be.
Who were the last four people to send you a message on Facebook? My sister, my friend Randy, Ryan and Jenn
Who of those last four people would you marry, if you had to? Dont think i would marry any
Do you like thunderstorms? Sometimes.
Do you like the rain? Yeah.
When was the last time you were sick? kinda right now.
Have you ever kissed anyone whose name started with an E, L, or C? No
What time do you normally go to sleep every day? Depends on the day
Do you like cheese? Yes
Last shirt you wore? Um My "Dont Piss Off The Voices" Shirt
How many times a week do you shower? 6-7
Have you ever cheated on a significant other? Never!
Who do you know that can make you feel better if you're not feeling happy? A few people
Do you have any dishes in your room? Not right now
Are you someone who remembers dates? Normally
What would you do if your ex died? I think i would die, or a huge part of me would anyway
Would you rather get shot or get injected? depends on what the injection does
Do you hate when people call you when you're sleeping? Na it happens to often
What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? I lost him over something so stupid
If your friend did something bad and you didn't know, but it had to do with you, would you expect them to be a man and tell you? Oh yeah
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Slump
Wow. So much I want to write about... but cant seem to put it into words.........
Gonna think about it a lil more... hopefully have something for tomorrow!
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Wow...... :-/
So I was having a pretty good day. Woke up and went to Starbucks, Gordmans, and Wal-mart with my sister. When I got home I hopped online and was just relaxing a lil before work. Then I see something, one of those things that shouldn't bother me, Shouldn't step all over my heart and ruin my whole day, but it did. I don't want to go in to detail about what it was or who it was about because well that is not important. But it feels like a blow to the face to see this. Makes me ask so many questions in my head and worry all at the same time. I want to be happy, I really really do. Just gotta figure out exactly how to do that.
Friday, October 1, 2010
The things that has made me WHO I am today!
Just a lil post to show all of you the things and people that has made me who I am today!
My Sister Angie
My Parents
My Grandparents
My Friend Shanna
My Friend/Roommate Tina
Ryan
Justin
My BFF Randy
These people are very important to me. And with out them, and so many more things and people. I wouldn't be....
ME!
The path that leads to the rest of my life...
So I'm not really sure where to go with this or ever where to begin. I'm slowly beginning to find that path I have been looking for. I'm not saying I have gotten on it, I'm still lost in the rubbish outside working my way in. I can see it but I cant seem to figure out how to get on it and I can't see where it ends. That right there is what scares the hell out of me. How do I know its the right path? How do I know that this one was made for me and not someone else. Life for me is about fear. Fear of the unknown and fear to make the same mistakes twice.
Nine times out of Ten my life feels like a tornado spinning out of control. I often feel like once the storm is calm that it is over and It's my turn to pick up the pieces and find the courage to put them back together and continue on without looking back at all that me, myself has ruined. Has walked away from. Or the path I finally found that wasn't mine. that didn't work out for my life. And then before i know it the storm comes back and starts the waiting process for that next tornado to come tear everything apart. Again.
I know that every piece goes back together one at a time to form a whole. I know that somewhere is the rest of the little pieces that may have slowly fallen out as time when on and as time goes by I will find them. All of them. Where a few of the bigger pieces are farther away I will get it back. One big piece 5 minutes away and another big piece in England. Another 40 minutes away and etc. But I have realize even though I don't see them I have the pieces in my hand already, I have the whole time. Its just my time to decide what to do with them. And to take better care of who gets the pieces on the next go.
Though my puzzle I call life is no where near complete I have been realizing I have a done a pretty damn good job of starting it. One day at a time I add another piece to the puzzle and when its time the puzzle will be finished. But not without a lil more heart aches, a few more let downs, alot more laughs, And tons of support. It has taken me 23 Years to realize that maybe life isnt that bad,
I have lost some of the most imporntant things in my life over the last two years and I have learned and grown from them. I have not completely let go but at some point I will be ready to do just that. And With each day I get closer to doing so I will gain so much knowledge, Shed many tears, and laugh as often as possible. I am ready to Live. I am ready to see how the puzzle lookes in the end after each tornado I will get better at putting the puzzle back together and continue to add new pieces. And when its done. REALLY DONE. it will be
AMAZING!!!!
P.S.
It has been a very long time since I have sat down and wrote. please forgive me if this makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!
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